Talkin’ Trash

Your mother wears nice shoes.

I’m going to win … or maybe you will.

You are so pretty you could probably win some sort of contest for pretty people.

I can’t talk trash.  I pretty much knew that, but it was confirmed a couple of times in recent days.  Talking trash is a skill of being able to taunt or disparage someone else.  Usually done by men and pretty much a staple of any sporting competition, whether it’s between players or fans.

An old friend of mine, essentially “invited” me to engage in some friendly trash talk when our favorite football teams squared off on Monday Night Football tonight.  He’s a Lion’s fan.  I’m a Bears fan.  Here was my initial response:

“The Lions are scary good this year.  Plus, the Tigers.  It’s good to be a Detroit fan.”

His response:

“This is the single worst job of trash talking I’ve ever seen.”

He’s right.  It’s not so much that I can’t do it.  I often trash-talk in my mind (and I’m ruthless).  It’s just that I don’t feel comfortable with it.  I’m not good with conflict – even good-natured conflict.  I don’t want anyone to feel bad.

I tried to convince myself that my lack of trash talk is really a form of reverse psychology.  Kill ’em with kindness, you know.  I’m going to be sooooo nice you can’t stand it!  That’s probably not working.

Although, the Lions just beat the Bears.  In my defense – the Lions do look “scary good”.  And the Bears … well, they just looked scary. Hmmmm – I guess I can trash talk a little.

 

Heroes, Role Models and Reality

I just finished reading an article on one of my all-time favorite athletes, Walter Payton, and my overall feeling is sadness.

As a kid growing up in Chicago in the late ’70’s and ’80’s, before Michael Jordan ruled the city – there was Walter Payton.  For many years, Payton played brilliantly on some pretty bad Chicago Bears teams.  He would eventually win a Super Bowl with the Bears towards the end of his career.  Not only was he was the best player on the team (by far), but he was arguably the best player of his era and one of the best of all-time.

He was smooth, but powerful.  A showman, but humble.  Payton played 13 seasons and only missed one game.  He seemingly could do anything on the football field – run the ball, catch the ball and even pass the ball.  And when his career was over, he held the record for the most rushing yards in NFL history.

“Sweetness”, as he was called, seemed to enjoy the game more than anyone else on the field.  He always had a smile on his face and was known to be a practical joker. And at the same time, no one worked harder.  His off-season workouts were legendary.

I loved watching Payton play football.  And every kid I knew pretended to be him when playing football in the neighborhood.  He was our favorite player.  He was our hero.

Two days before my 29th birthday, Walter Payton died.  Earlier that year a tearful Payton would announce he was suffering from rare liver disease called primary sclerosing cholangitis (PSC).  Reading the article in Sports Illustrated today (which was put together from excerpts from a controversial new book on Payton), brought back the sadness I felt the day he died.

The article made me sad for another reason.  I was hoping it would be a nice trip down memory lane – remembering the man and player I loved watching so much as a kid.  I was even thinking that my son Evan could read the article, because he knows how Payton was my favorite football player (Evan put my old Walter Payton poster up in the basement).  Instead, the article largely detailed a side of Payton I never knew.  A side, that seemingly, only a few knew.  A not-so-positive side.

Payton apparently carried on an affair for many years.  Abused pain medication.  At times was distant from his kids. Dealt with depression and thoughts of suicide.

I’ve heard how many have denounced the article and book.  The overall feeling is “what is their to gain” by trashing a man’s reputation, who doesn’t have the ability to defend it.  I would agree with that.  That does make me sad.

I’m also sad because he was a hero of mine.  I’m sad thinking that his kids, who have already lost their father, now have to deal with the hurt that comes with these things being made public. I’m sad because we typically build people up, only to later look for ways to tear them down.  I’m sad thinking of those who will be disillusioned by this book.  I’m sad thinking of those who will be further jaded by this news, too.

Sadly, I am a bit disillusioned.  I’m also a bit jaded.  Part of me wants to say, “Should we really be surprised?”  And really we shouldn’t.  But not because he was just “another athlete” who seemed to be such a “good guy”, but wasn’t who we thought he was. The reality is you can change out “another athlete” with “another celebrity” or “another politician”.  The reality is, you can change out “another athlete” with “another human being”.  With me.  With you.

I get sad because the Payton detailed in the article is how many will now view him.  For many, that will be their last impression of him.  While others will be in denial – either not believing the article or saying “what difference does it make?”

We do that.  Hero or jerk.  He has to be one or the other, right?  We pick sides.  We pick parts of people’s lives, either their biggest moments or most egregious sins and we define them.  But we never know someone’s whole story.  I don’t know all the amazing things Walter Payton may have done (or not done) for humanity.  I don’t know if he ever felt regret or remorse.  I don’t know if he ever sought forgiveness or tried to make amends.  I don’t know if his life ended with refusal or redemption.  That’s the danger when we try to define a life.

The truth of the matter is that we all have our “heroic” qualities and moments.  We also all have those qualities and moments that we are not so proud of.  The majority of us won’t have those parts of our life published and publicized for the world to hear (whether we are alive or dead).

For as much of a hero as he was on the football field, Walter Payton was all human.  I won’t try to justify the “sins” of Walter Payton.  Saying we’re human doesn’t give us a free pass to do whatever we want.  But the reality is that being human, means being flawed.  It means that despite our best efforts, we’ll mess up.  We’ll disappoint.  We’ll disillusion.  Even those who appear to have it altogether.

My sins may very well be different from those of Walter Payton, but I’m a sinner none-the-less.  When I’m dead, I’d hate for those sins to define me and define my “legacy”.  Especially since they don’t tell my whole story.

Field of Dreams

There are many times as a Dad where I missed the mark or didn’t get it right.  Not to brag, but I believe on Friday I got it right.

Side note:  Ever notice when someone says, “not to brag” they are about to brag?  It’s kind of like when people say, “I don’t mean to judge, but …” or “I’m not a racist, but …” or “I didn’t mean to use your toothbrush to clean the toilet, but …”

Anyway, back to my bragging (Don’t worry, you can brag about me later if you are worried about that) … on Friday, Evan celebrated his 11th birthday.  He originally didn’t want a party, but then days before his birthday he decided he wanted one.  It wouldn’t be a big deal, if birthday parties didn’t become such big deals!

Back in the day – it was friends, cake, presents and maybe a freaky clown that would give kids nightmares for years.  It was great and we liked it!  Now, they’ve become these elaborate events where you feel like you need pyrotechnics and a million dollar budget.

The only thing I can remember that was something beyond the normal for a birthday party when I was a kid is when me and my friends watched a bootlegged VHS copy of “Raiders of the Lost Ark” my Dad got from a friend.  Nothing is more heartwarming than a potential felony involved in your birthday.  Plus, I’m pretty sure we didn’t rewind the tape either.

Birthday parties somehow progressed to Chuck-E-Cheese (where a large rodent now scars children) to large events worthy of a professional party planner.   For my daughter’s 8th birthday, she had some traveling animal act come by the house.  It’s a long story, but the band Echoing Angels also came by the house and played for the kids.  I’m sure they’ll never forget the gig where they opened for Coyote Chris and his hedgehog at little girl’s birthday party.  They are pushing to be the headliner this year …

For Evan’s 10th birthday, we held it at an indoor water park.  They pretty much ignored all the slides and played basketball in the pool.  So this year, I said why don’t we just order pizza and you can play football in the backyard?  Well, in order to sell it I said I would throw him a “kick butt football party”.

It didn’t take amazing planning.  It wasn’t elaborate.  I took a few hours and 7 cans of spray paint to turn my backyard into a football field.  I have to say it looked pretty good – like a professional field, if a professional field had lots of weeds, dead grass and had to be pooper-scooped.

But Evan and his friends didn’t care – they loved it!  They literally played until they couldn’t see anymore.  One of his friends said it was the best birthday party he ever went to … they ate pizza and played football for 5 hours …  no clowns, no water park, no animal act, just pizza and play.

I was reminded that the best moments and memories, very rarely are attached to things that are expensive or elaborate.   Often times, it’s the simple things that show you love and care for them that have the biggest impact. I have a feeling he’ll remember this birthday – the day my dad made the backyard into football field – forever.

On Saturday, I looked into my backyard and saw a ripped apart lawn.  Julie reminded me that someday we’ll look back there and it will look beautiful and pristine and we’ll long for the days of boys happily playing on it and ripping it apart.

Why I Like Puppies and World Peace …

I was reminded the other day of a bit I used to do on the radio called “Football for Dummies … No Offense, God Bless You”.  The title just rolls off your tongue.  We knew that there would be some people actually offended by using the word “dummies”, thus the reason “no offense” was added to the title.  The joke, of course, is that anytime someone uses the phrase “no offense” it’s usually after they said something offensive.  So “God Bless You” was also added to soften it even more.  How can you be mad?  I said “God Bless You.”

The bit was basically a way for me to talk about football on a radio station geared towards women.  The gist of  it was that I “educated” listeners who weren’t fans on what was going on in football (usually around playoff time), so they wouldn’t feel left out during office water cooler talk or could act like they knew what they were talking about during the big game.

It was silly.  It was supposed to be more funny, than educational.  But we actually got calls and messages from listeners who genuinely found it helpful and informative.  Who knew that was possible with me?

I like football.  In fact, I was going to title this “Why I Like Football”, but figured that if you didn’t like football, you wouldn’t read this.  So that’s why I put “puppies and world peace” in the title, instead. But you are reading this! Who is the dummy now?  Unless you just stopped …

I understand that some don’t like football.  My late grandfather didn’t like football.  He used to say, “Why do they all have to fight after that ball?  They make so much money, you’d think they could just buy their own?”  But humor me for a bit as I share why I like football.  Maybe afterwards, you might like it a bit more, too.

• It’s the ultimate reality show. A non-contrived drama, comedy and sometimes emotional roller coaster. 
• It’s socially acceptable to spit, hug and pat somebody on the butt … but enough about the fans!  Hey now!
• Even thought it can be a microcosm of life in terms of people failing off the field, it also provides opportunities for wonderful redemption stories like Michael Vick.  And opportunities for us to forgive and extend grace.
• Fantasy football!  ‘Nuff said. 
• Classy players and role models like Walter Payton and Tony Dungy.
• Even when they are not potty-trained, they are cute!  (Oops!  That was for my “Why I Like Puppies” list).
• I’m currently watching a live football game right now at 1am!  Not sure if that’s good or not …
• The way a team can rally a town.  
• Even better, is that it’s something I can enjoy with my dad and with my son.

There you go.  I hope you enjoyed it.  If you didn’t, I won’t take offense.  God bless you.